Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ceremony Schmeremony

And we've got wedding colors! But we're in the middle of moving so I can't take a picture yet. Soon.

Meanwhile, I found this bit by Ariel Stallings (the "Offbeat Bride" gal) that nicely sums up how I feel about the whole ceremony bit (I say "I" because saying "we" makes me sound like a tool, but I think Travis agrees.)

"Andreas and I are basically pragmatic agnostics: We have faith when we need it and beliefs when we want them, but they're pretty quietly integrated into the rest of our lives, and we don't practice them publicly. Neither of us is really into ceremony or spirituality on display. 'She who knows the most, waves her crystals and DNA activations around the least,' I say. By this logic, the couple that is the most committed feels the least need to prance around and crow about how committed they are- this questionable leap in logic isn't exactly accurate, but it goes a long way toward explaining why we approached the ceremony with such hesitation... My rebellious streak pushed me toward impatience with ceremony. The pretense and sanctimoniousness grated on my nerves. Shut up about it already. We get it! I'm too irreverent to enjoy social spirituality, and so ceremonies have always lived somewhere near the bottom of my pet-peeve shit list, somewhere between misplaced apostrophes and people who can't walk their talk: I get impatient, irritable, and look for my escape hatch."

Though I think I like misplaced apostrophes less than ceremonies. And quotation marks used as emphasis even more. Quotation marks used as "emphasis" are really "annoying" and "confusing".

But anyway, this is the story of why our ceremony will probably last about 3 minutes and the whole vow thing will probably be done well out of the public eye. I don't need to tell you shit about how I feel about Travis, I just have to tell Travis. And I don't need you judging my writing style and cringing while I do it - which is what I usually do when I have to listen to someone get all sappy in front of me (uh oh, did I just cost myself an invitation to all my friends' weddings? Nah... most of them don't read my blog.)

As I was telling Travis when I was getting all stressed about the location (and he was trying to point out that that's not the important part): The marriage is the important part. And that will happen no matter what, even if the whole wedding goes to shit. And it will be good and I am thrilled to the gills but the details are, strictly speaking, none o' yo damn bizness. All you need to know is that we're married, so don't hit on us, and let us share healthcare. Relationships are like dreams: while yours are extremely interesting to you, other people's are really boring. You don't mind knowing the gist, but it gets really awkward and torturous fast if someone starts trying to let you in on all the details. (Unless it's a messy relationship...then it's more like a trainwreck and the details become juicy. But you don't usually see those at weddings.) Meanwhile, I see the wedding is THE BIGGEST CRAFT PROJECT EVER and an excuse to throw a big party for all the people in our lives who we love. And I am going to kick its ass with my crafty prowess, goddammit! Yes, in theory it is a celebration of the aforementioned marriage, but if our culture used a different event to justify plunking down a bunch of money on pretty things and getting wicked crazy party crafty, I'd be doing it to celebrate whatever event that was.

The ceremony, then, is this weird awkward tie-in where I have to publicize the rather private idea of the marriage and somehow connect it to the party-time extravaganza that is the wedding. Same with the first dance, sort of. I don't particularly like being the center of attention- or at least, the required center of attention. If you're all staring at me because I'm wearing a sweet dress, that's ok, but I don't want to MAKE you look at me. That's weird.

Oh dear, I am something, eh?


  1. Thanks for articulating something I have been feeling since I got engaged in August. We have decided to do a super-intimate ceremony with our 20 closest friends and family on a Friday night, and will have a reception on Saturday for the masses (just a big party, really). Congrats on your engagement, and best wishes to you and Travis!

  2. Just let Max do most of the talking. And you can have people read stuff that isn't from the Bible. Like comics, or quotes from movies. Or books. You could make a short film with vegetables as characters (think the Neville butternut squash from the Wizard Swears video) talking about love. I'd help.

  3. WAIT also I'm excited about your crafting projects. Do we get to wear knitted stuff?!

  4. Haha, Vivian's been trying to convince me that knitting all the bridesmaids lace shawls is a requirement, to which I reply "aaahahahah." But I might make you all fascinaters! Fascinators? Sweet retro head-things.